Joe's Project helps families of suicide victims

BY ARIELLE BRECHISCI | lilife@newsday.com

August 3, 2008

When a Deer Park woman's oldest son called her at work and said she needed to come home immediately, she thought he had broken his leg.

When she pulled up in front of the house, she was relieved to see her husband's car, and hurried inside the house. She found her son, then 20, crying in the hallway. "He's downstairs," he said of his father.

"It's OK," she thought to herself. "He fell, or he had a heart attack or something." When she opened the door, she discovered that her husband of 20 years had hanged himself.

In the following days, the woman, who asked not be identified by name to protect her children's privacy, reached out to Joe's Project for help explaining to her daughter, then 10, why her father killed himself. Her brother found out about Joe's Project when he contacted the family's church.

The project, a program within the Community Crisis Action Team at Suffolk County's Family Service League, began last year as a way to help families and friends of people who've committed suicide cope with their loss, the stigma associated with suicide, and logistics such as funeral arrangements. The program, funded by the Suffolk County Legislature, is staffed by mental health professionals and people who've experienced a suicide, the survivors.

"Unfortunately, our county has been plagued with enough suicides that we really felt that a program was necessary to help the people left behind," said Suffolk County Legislature Presiding Officer William J. Lindsay. About 120 people a year commit suicide in Suffolk County, and hundreds more make an attempt.

Survivors trained to help

Larry Weiss, vice president for programs of the Family Service League, described the 11 volunteer survivors trained for Joe's Project as "terrific."

"Each one has gone through this experience and understands the concrete things of what you need to do immediately afterwards." Along with a survivor, Joe's Project sends at least one of 32 trained mental health professionals from the Community Crisis Action Team to respond.

Families of suicide victims learn about the voluntary program through brochures given by first responders to the scene, including EMS workers and police officers. Churches, medical examiners and funeral directors also give out the brochures.

Joe's Project responds when requested, whether immediately after the suicide or months later. Depending on the situation, groups from two to five people are sent out.

"It's a multistage program," said Lindsay. "The first objective is to get someone to help the family with the initial shock. Then there's follow-up counseling, and the last effort is to try and create self-help groups for family members."

Joe's Project helps people with the stigma that comes with being so close to people who have taken their own life. "Everyone looks at the survivors and says, 'What's wrong with you people?'" said Weiss.



Making a difference

The Deer Park woman said the most helpful aspect of Joe's Project was telling her how to explain things to her daughter.

"Step by step, they told me just to tell her as much as she's asking, slowly filling her in," she said. That advice from Joe's Project came on the phone two days after the tragedy. At first, she told her daughter that her father had died, and did not explain how it happened until she was asked. "Whatever questions she asked me, I would only give her the information she needed." They also advised her not to use certain words, such as referring to depression as a disease, so her daughter wouldn't be afraid of "catching" it.

The mother of three receives counseling from the Family Service League once a week in her home, but she has attended only one support group because it's located in Massapequa, which is not convenient for her. Lindsay said that Joe's Project plans to add another support group in Bay Shore "relatively soon."

One of the biggest problems people face after a loved one takes his or her life is the funeral arrangements. Weiss said he's heard of family members handing over their credit cards to funeral homes to avoid dealing with the pain of choosing a coffin. "They go down not even accepting the person has taken their life, and now they have to pick out a casket," Weiss said.

Lindsay and Minority Leader Daniel P. Losquadro launched Joe's Project in June 2007. It is named after Joe Maiorella, whose father, Richard, came to Lindsay after his son hanged himself in his backyard. Maiorella explained to Lindsay that even though he was a staff member at the Family Service League, he couldn't find help immediately following his son's death.

"It's a program you create and you hope it's never used," said Lindsay.

Donna Altonji, coordinator of the Community Crisis Action Team, which oversees Joe's Project, said that since the program's inception, staff members have responded to 13 calls and worked with about 31 people of all ages.

"I think it's an excellent program," the Deer Park woman said. "How many other people know someone [who's committed suicide] and just don't talk about it? People don't know how to ask for help."